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Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Thursday, June 29, 2017

I Cried This Morning...

If you've been following my blog for the past few weeks, you'll remember that I'm nuts. Well, technically not 'nuts' per se, but coming off of an anti-depressant addiction I wasn't aware of has left me with emotions scattered all over the place. Like, seriously.

For example, last night 17 was looking at a video on the Book of the Faces, and when I asked her what it was, she told me it was a deaf woman hearing her husband's voice for the first time.

MUSH. <--------- That's what I turned to upon viewing the video.

This morning I had my tunes playing while I was getting ready for work, and John Denver came on, crooning his beautiful ballad "Country Roads". Shut up, I like John Denver, don't you judge me.

Anyway, I'm not sure if it's because WVU was crushed last night by Kentucky and knocked out of March Madness, or the fact that my baby will be a freshman there this fall, but my eyes welled up with tears and I cried. I told myself through my tears that I was being an idiot. I didn't argue with myself, I know better. I'll lose, every time.



But I cried this morning. I cried because it's a pretty song. I cried because my baby is leaving home in less than 6 months. I cried because my emotions are completely fucked up because of the anti-depressants. Am I depressed? No, I don't think I am. Am I an emotional train wreck? No doubt in my mind that yes, I am. I have tears in my eyes just writing this.

Last week, we went to the state capitol  for our high school's symphonic honor band performance. Both of my girls  are in that band and they overwhelm me with their talents. During their last song of the performance, Angels in the Architecture, I cried like a freaking lunatic. I cried at the beauty of the music, the difficulty of the 15 minute piece, the solos that my trumpet playing senior had. I cried knowing that this is her last year playing in this award winning band, a band that changed who she is and contributed to making her a confident young adult. The difference from who she was 4 years ago to who she's become is startling (in a good way) and I cried at how proud of her I am, proud of both my daughters.

The band director asked if anyone had taken any pictures during that performance. I didn't even try, because I was such a mess that you'd need a Dramamine to view them, they'd be so badly out of focus from my ridiculous crying ass.

When I think about her graduation in just over 2 months, I cry. I can't even begin to imagine what I'm going to be like on that day, but here's a tip: BUY STOCK IN KLEENEX. Trust me, you won't regret it. My baby will be playing alongside her big sister in the symphonic band's final performance of the year, and it will be the last time both my girls will play together in the same band. And yes, I'm crying again as I am writing that sentence. DAMN YOU EFFEXOR!

Make no mistake, I was a crying fool long before the anti-depressants and probably a crying fool while on them. But now that I'm off, Jesus, Mary and St. Joseph, I'm a thousand times more emotional than I've ever been.

I cried this morning. I will cry again soon, of that I have no doubt. It's gotta be normal, right? The emotional wreck that I've become is a side effect of leaving the meds behind, I know that. But I also know that I'm not alone. I received so many comments on my Mamalode piece letting me know that I am in good company, and for that company I am ever grateful. If you are trying to overcome an addiction, whether it's one you knew you had or you had no clue, YOU TOO are NOT ALONE. Come sit by me and we'll cry together. And we'll get through it. Together.


30 comments:

  1. Oh babe, you and all of your emotions are beautiful--and my kleenex and I are always happy to hole up right alongside you. xoxo

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    1. Thanks babe. I appreciate you AND your Kleenex.

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  2. Without emotions, the world would be an orderly snoozefest! Emote on, woman! I like to think of tears as our emotions sweating it out. So crying is technically a workout. Go you!

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  3. I'm crying just reading this.
    And I'm not even coming off any meds. ;)
    You, my friend, are suffering from the incurable disease called LOVE. Sure, it's compounded and made complicated from the other one that's going on -- IMPENDING GRADUATION -- but I promise you, that one will eventually subside. I know. I've lived it.
    Best advice? CRY. Cry all the damn time if you need to. Cry loudly and proudly. Those aren't tears of depression, they are tears of love and pride. Own them. xoxo

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    1. I turn to you as my rock and my sounding board because you've just gone though it, my friend. I value your friendship and your input and advice and am crying again at this response. Thank you!!

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  4. I cry at the drop of a dime. Sappy commercials, sad news stories, listening to beautiful music, watching my kids do something phenomenal (or something average, doesn't really matter), etc. So you're not alone (meds or no meds). :-)

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    1. Thanks darlin' good to know I'm not alone in my sappy-ness!

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  5. Big, big hugs to you, my friend. Oh, and I love John Denver, too! :D

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    1. Your musical closet never fails to amaze me, girlfriend!! Thanks!!

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  6. I'm sorry you have to go through this, I'm on a lot of meds and morphine, in a way I'm lucky (?) that I won't have to ever go through stopping them all. My oldest girl is 16 this year, and I hyperventilate just thinking about it, my baby is almost 12, how can that even be possible? I think I'll be carrying around a brown paper bag A LOT this year. Hang in there you're doing great, and as Mothers, we're allowed to cry as much as we want....as I tell my girl's I never stopped them crying, at the drop of a hat when they were little, now it's my turn....now I made myself need a Kleenex.

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    1. Thanks Tessa always good to know I'm not going through this madness all by myself.

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  7. I could have cried reading this post because I am always a huge pile of mush, too! Right there with you, girlfriend!

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  8. Girl you aren't alone. It is tough watching your babies grow up and knowing that they will soon be on their own. My daughter is 18 so I totally understand. She still has her senior year ahead of her.

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    1. I'm feeling your pain! Glad we're in it together!

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  9. I actually avoided that video last night, because I didn't want to cry. I was in a startlingly good mood. I ended up cry anyway for other reasons. So, I'm probably out here in crazy land with ya.::hugs::

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    1. It's nice here in crazy land. We have cookies.

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  10. When I was coming off my SSRI's, I cried once in the middle of the street because there was this Turkish wedding caravan (which is basically just a bunch of cars honking their horns) that passed by me. I thought "They're so happy" and there I went... It gets better, I promise :)

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    1. LOL sorry Trillie, not laughing AT you but WITH you. Thanks for reading

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  11. You are way too normal crying like that over dear 17. Lots of milestones, lots to be proud of. Got #3 in that same spot, and the tears are there just as fresh as they were for #1. Don't even get me started on what is ahead for #4...

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    1. Thanks so much for reading, Mary, and I'm with you on fresh tears!

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  12. First of all, embrace the crying. I've been a crier (is that a word?) my entire life. There is no shame in that game.
    Next, I am right there with you on the children leaving the nest. I cannot fathom that my child is growing, growing, gone sone and my heart aches at the time warp we've sped through. Despite the fact that he plans to stay in Austin and go to UT, I lose my shit almost daily that he's leaving.
    Hang in there and hugs!

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  13. My gal is recovering from a surgery and has been on meds for a long time now so I know what you're going through. Try to take it easy. I'll send Mike Rowe over to give you a hug!

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  14. A very nice and informative post Thanks for sharing!

    PeaceQuarters

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